Different Languages of Love

This morning, as we almost always end up doing, the three boys and I were cuddled in bed. They trickle in one by one as they wake up in the morning. I do love laid back mornings like this.

Anyway, as I was lying on my side, James, who was behind me, started to give me a back massage. And geez, did it feel great after our long day yesterday! Had high tea for breakfast with friends in Dural and was out of the house before 7am; came back, got the kids ready and went to Taronga zoo and stayed there until close at 5pm; then, off to my sister's in Newtown for a yummy Thai dinner, great cake and hot drinks at a cafe and then some shopping; home by 11.15pm but not in bed until all kids were cleaned up enough for bed and I've had my shower at midnight! - well, that's another beautiful day to be thankful for!

Back to my story...I was telling James how good his massage felt when David asked James if he could have a turn massaging me. James wouldn't let him and David started to tear up because he said all he gives me are love notes and "they're just words. They don't make you as happy as massages." My poor son...I reassured him that I loved his ways of showing me his love just as much.

While I napped this afternoon, he made me a necklace out of a string and a few beads from our craft box. He also made me a ring which he put in a case he also made. They were so cute and I tried them on very proudly. I could tell he was happy with my reaction.

I have to be conscious about my boys' language of love. They're all pretty different and I do try my best to communicate to them in their own language. Parenting can certainly be tricky. Thank goodness for the books we can read, the family and friends we can share experiences and words of wisdom with, and for us, the boys' school which has given us more friends, resources and opportunities to learn how to become better parents.

James and His First Confession

James has just recently completed his sacramental programme classes to prepare him for his first reconciliation. On December 1, he made his first confession.

In an attempt to prepare him for it, I typed up the Act of Contrition for him because he lost the copy that was given in class. Then, I decided to type up some of the other prayers on the same sheet and left a few blank lines where James can write the sins he wanted to confess.

When I gave James the sheet, he asked if I could type up his sins as he called them out. I said, "That means I will know what you are going to confess." James replied, "That's ok with me, mum." So, we ended up doing examination of conscience as well.

The trust of my child in me is pretty precious. When he was making his confession, I watched him from my seat and I felt so proud that my oldest son is making this important step in his faith journey and I am so grateful that I can be with him through this amazing process.

At last night's mass, Fr Henry mentioned there will be confession on Christmas Eve and James heard this. He whispered to me that he'd like to go again. Wow! What a way to prepare his heart (and mine as I may as well go!) for the birth of our Lord Jesus.

Coincidentally, James' sac programme teacher is a young man who happened to be in the first sacramental programme class I ever taught when i was 18!

"I Love You Sooo Much, Mum!'

Can mums ever tire hearing of this? I know I never will and little Adam is showering me with variations of this statement so many times a day. It's funny how he's become so affectionate when not long ago, he wouldn't even let me put an arm around him when he would sleep. He would push my arm down with his hands and then, as if that wasn't enough, he would follow it with a kick with both legs...just to make sure I'm not in his space.

A couple of nights ago, Adam, half asleep, said, "I need hug, mum." Music to my ears. We hugged until he and I were both fast asleep.

Who's the Maid?

Last week, David forgot to put away his bowl and cup after eating.

In an exasperated voice, I called for him to come to the table and said, "David, why did you leave your bowl on the table? Do you think you have a maid or something?"

Quick as always, David says innocently, "I have a mum."

Celebrating Another Year to Be Thankful For!

Birthdays are excellent reminders to look back on one's life (or at least, the past year), to see how much one has grown, how far one has come to achieving one's goals and dreams, and to appreciate all the people and events that have contributed to the richness of our lives.

Of course, some people may have worse experiences than others and I admit, I often feel more blessed than others but I also naturally prefer to see the goodness that God has filled my life with.

From my last birthday, we've enjoyed so many blessings:

- our first ever camping trip as a family

- four out-of-town trips to beautiful places: Flynns Beach, Hunter Valley, Nowra and Berry

- the timely completion of our new home

- moving into our home that we absolutely love, and the satisfaction that all the hard work has paid off

- the company of family and friends (old and new)

- the surprise of a new baby

- good health

What more can I ask for? Thank you, God!

The Best Mother's Day Present!

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I couldn't believe the number of text messages I got today.  I received little pressies from my boys, too - a couple of pressies made with love and a couple of pressies bought from the Mother's Day stall at school on Friday.  Almost all the bought presents ended up being given to my mum, but the boys did ask if they could give their mama my pressies since I already got other pressies.  Got a precious card from James...

The picture he drew re-lives the day I took them all to the doctor about two weeks ago.  The wait was so long that I took them to the park nearby and to the library.  His appreciation of that day reminds me of how little it takes to make our children happy.  It's not the money we spend nor the gifts we shower them with.  It's the experiences we share with them and it's the time we give them that they treasure the most.  

Sure, they ask for material things like toys, games, etc.  However, I can always seem to deflect these requests with a simple, "You don't need more toys.  You have so much right now."  And I feel I have accomplished teaching them about the values of contentment and appreciation for what they already have.  Besides, they may only ask once a week for something and most of the time, it's not even direct.  It's like, "I wish I had a DS," OR, "Why can't I have more Hot Wheels cars?"  

But something they ask for everyday, in fact, numerous times a day, is my time and my attention.  Now, that's not always easy to give when there's millions of things to do and all the children want your attention at the same time.  It's a very good opportunity to teach "sharing".  I can just imagine the mums at the boys' school who often have 4, 5, 6, even 10 children!  I really take my hat off to them.

What I do have to remember, is that each time I do give them my undivided attention, I am bestowed upon the honour of witnessing (with much awe, I should add) my children develop, grow, or simply be happy.  So, on this day that celebrates the patience, understanding, selflessness and unconditional love that mothers have for their children, I have found my favourite gift of all - it's being a MUM!   

My Melancholy Son Vs. My Sanguine Son

Yet, again, James and David highlighted how very different they are to each other when it comes to temperaments.  

On the way to a friend's house, we were taking a different way to what we are used to.  James started to worry that we were taking too long...

"Dad, you're getting us lost"

To which David replied, "James, it's an adventure!"

Funny!

Adversities

I've just spent (ironically) a very enjoyable hour with my older sister and my younger brother (and his wife) tonight, while we chatted, went around the shops and bought delicacies that reminded us of our roots, while waiting for our dad to get out of surgery.  He had a gallstone that was stuck in the neck of his gall bladder and it had to be removed.  

Dad had been enduring (as he doesn't really complain) pains in his stomach since Friday.  It had worsened over the weekend and mum and I have tried to talk him into seeing the doctor.  He had started to get more nauseous and was throwing up practically everything he ate.  Finally, he allowed me to take him in on Monday.  An ultrasound was ordered but the earliest they could fit him in was 5pm on Tuesday.  However, the doctor told Dad to go to the hospital when the pain became unbearable.  Of course, with my dad's high tolerance of pain, that never came to be.  

Anyway, the most important thing is that he had his surgery just in time as the gall bladder was apparently so infected it was about to burst.  I think, it may have taught dad what we, his family, often tell him - there's no point in unnecessarily putting yourself through suffering when something could be done, especially in a country as blessed as ours, where healthcare is fantastic and practically everything is free in the hospital.

Another adversity thrown our way to conquer, to learn from.  That's the purpose adversities have served in my life - they have taught me something, they have reminded me to cherish my loved ones more, they have strengthened my faith as I live through another day.  It makes is easier to accept things as they happen and to "move on" in the most positive way I can, knowing that I have always survived trying times.  I question God less and less and He has proven many times that something good always comes from these moments.  

Adversities remind me to be grateful for the blessings that I have in my life right here, right now.

Who Do You Love, Adam?

Von:  "Who do you love, Adam?"

"Dad."

Me:  "What?!?!  Who do you love?" said incredulously

"Mum."

Daivd's Hidden Agenda

My brother was visiting tonight and he and David (5) were discussing the excitement of the impending completion of our house, especially because we would then be living literally around the corner from Tito Ryan and Tita Athena.

"Tito Ryan, do you know when we live in the new house, we can walk to your house?"

"Yes, I know!  Will you come over and visit us?"

"Of course!"

"Then you can play games at my house." (PS3)

"Tito Ryan, don't you want to buy wii?"

"Hahaha!  I'm not falling for that.  You already tried that during Christmas."

LOL!  So, if we don't buy them wii, David's already found a way he can play it often enough!

Religion Classes in Action

We're very blessed to have found a very good school for our children, one that instructs religion classes from kindy.  Just before Term 4 (2008) concluded, James (yr 1, 7yo) and David (kindy, 5yo), put their learned values into action in their daily lives....

After missing out on the part of Joseph for their end of year Christmas concert, I asked James how he felt that he was a shepherd and not Jospeh.  James said...

"It's ok, mum.  I like being a shepherd.  Do you remember who else is a shepherd?  (short pause)  Jesus!  And who are his sheep?  (another short pause)  Us!"

It's a wonder he still lets me call him my baby but I'm glad!

David has also shown this application of learnt lessons to everyday life.  Once, after letting James brush his teeth first, when everything between them is usually a race, I asked David what made him give way to his older brother.  David's response was...

"Remember in God's Kingdom, the first will be last and the last will be first, mum?" 

Wow!

Sun

About a month ago now, I've been telling Adam (20mths then)...

"Adam, no sun, no dede (breastfeeding), ok?  If you wake up at night, I want you to go back to sleep and then when the sun comes up, you can have "dede" again.  

About 2 weeks later, at around 9.30am (about 2 hours since his breakfast), he started to pull on my top, saying "dede, dede".  

"But it's so early, my child."  He does it again and I said, "Why do you want dede now?"  He looks at me and points outside, saying "SUN"...Uh-oh!

Adam's New Words

The growth of children are so rapid, but never have I noticed it with my children as much as I've noticed it with Adam (21mths).  Perhaps I'm just more aware of developmental milestones, or maybe because I can afford to be more observant as I'm not running a business from home anymore.

Just today, he said FIVE more words he had never said before, "shop", "hop", "pie", "jump", and my favourite, "don't" accompanied by a sharp pointing of his index finger, as his repeated request for his Kuya James to stop tickling him were ignored.

The other day, he actually replied "-come" (for welcome) when I thanked him.  Today, he said it again.

From around 19 months, he would start praying (by making his version of the sign of the cross), whenever the rest of us have forgotten to do so and have started eating.

He has been a very good communicator from such an early age, letting us know what he wants with gestures and sound effects.  For example, he opens his mouth and says "Ahh" (as when you've just had good gulp of a drink).  That means he wants water.  Now, if he sucks air as if sipping from a straw, that means he wants milk.  He puts his hand to his mouth to say he wants to eat.  

He is also becoming more and more bilingual, definitely understanding most Filipino words (I have committed to speak with him in Filipino as often as I could.  So has my mum.)  He also spontaneously says "wala" and "wala na" (no more), "kain" (eat), "baba" (down).  When prompted, he can say "popo" (for opo, which has no real English equivalent, but which is yes, said with much respect and is the way we address our elders).

He can also make the sounds for 11 animals so far:

1. cow

2. dog

3. bird

4. horse

5. mouse

6. duck

7. pig

8. elephant

9. rabbit

10. lion

11. rooster

As for good manners, he knows how to say: "thank you" (te-too) often without prompting now; "please"; "sorry" (sho-show); as well as covers his mouth when he coughs.

I am very thankful that I am enjoying my children's growing up years as it excites me and fascinates me to no end.

 

On Euphemism

David's (5) candidness has often led him to make comments about mummy being "fat in the tummy".

One day, just before he hopped into the shower, he gave me a hug, and said I was "pretty".  

I said, "Yes, but you still think I'm fat.  Don't call people fat, darling.  Mummy's healthy."

Without missing a beat, David says...

"Yes, VERY healthy!"  a big cheeky grin and a big hug followed.

What can you say after that?

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The following day, we were looking at pictures he had cut out from the store catalogues that come in the mail - they're of women.  I was pointing at nice clothes I'd like and David said,

"How about this, mum?"  pointing at the plus size models

"Why did you pick that out for me?"

"Because I think it might fit."  With a hurtful tone, I said,

"Do you really think I'm that big?"  David starts to look panicky and said,

"What do you say again when you don't want to say fat?"

Caring & Responsible James

A couple of nights ago, I stayed up until 3.30am to finish some paperwork.  When I walked into our bedroom ( we're currently "bunking" in my parents' granny flat and thus, my husband and I are sharing ONE bedroom with all three boys), my 21 month old light sleeper woke up crying.  

In an attempt to pacify him quickly so as not to wake up the rest of my family, I took him into our bed.  He couldn't go back to sleep and he was tossing and turning for such a long time.  Meanwhile, I was in and out of sleep until around 6am, when the little one woke up again, this time asserting his right to breastfeed (our deal is, "no sun, no dede - feeding").  

Our eldest son, James (7) had just woken up and I found him lying in Adam's cot next to our bed, his hand poking through the gaps to soothingly pat Adam's hand.  He said, "I'll take care of Adam, mum.  You can go back to sleep."  I thanked him but encouraged him to go back to sleep.  Next thing I know, Adam was wanting to sleep with James.  James took his baby brother to his own bed and played with him there and finally, I slept for a straight one and half hours, just enough to tackle the rest of the day that was about to unfold.

I really can't believe how much James has matured!  He is absolutely beautiful and I thank God for him everyday.

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This morning, James was ready to brush his teeth when I heard him telling David (5), "David, you left some crust with ham in it still.  Go and finish your food."  David, surprisingly came back to the kitchen to do as he was told.  Then, James came out with David's toothbrush in his hand.  He put toothpaste on it and gave it to David.  Wow!

My Life Purpose

One of my favourite books is "The Journey from Success to Significance", by John C. Maxwell.

It sums up my Life Purpose, my mission everyday.  My quest is not to be simply a successful person, at least, not in the way this world commonly views "success".  My observation has led me to believe that success, to a lot of people implies wealth and/or popularity.  

To me, my existence on earth has to have more meaning than that.  What I desire is to be a person of significance.

I want to have a positive impact on people's lives, may it be in mundane ways or in life-changing ways.  If I made someone walk taller because I simply complimented their new hairstyle or their outfit, I would be happy.  I don't mean hollow words or insincere flattery.  I sure hope they don't take it that way.  I mean, me taking the 10 or even 5 seconds it requires to really look at someone and find something nice, beautiful or even just different.  I want them to feel noticed, that their existence mattered.  On the other hand, if someone comes to me with a burden on their shoulders and I was there to console them, to offer advice or simply to be there for them, it would make me feel that I had accomplished my mission for that day, too.

I want my life to matter.  As selfish as it sounds,  I want the world to miss me when I leave this place.  I want to face my Lord, knowing that I have done my bit to help make the world a better place.  For some time, I have felt that what I ultimately want to do with my life is self-serving, as it truly gives me satisfaction when I find out if someone is happy to be around me, if I have inspired someone, if I have given someone's self-esteem a much-needed boost, and if I have made someone happier.  

Tonight, having gone through a training on Introduction to Liturgy at our parish, I have discovered that what I enjoy doing actually serves to help Christ's presence be known and felt in this world of ours.

Everything makes more sense and I have chosen to carry out my Life Purpose with renewed energy and excitement.  This time, I will consciously make a positive impact on people so that they, too, may recognise the presence of an ever-loving God in their lives - a God whom they can thank, whom they can confide in, whom they can ask for help.

I am full of gratitude for this purpose I have found in my life as it brings everything into perspective.  I can find happiness in everyday living so easily.  And for that, I am always thankful.       

Finally...

After weeks of intentions, I have finally started my Gratitude Journal as a blog.  I have been wanting to record all the amazing, amusing and touching aspects of my life, especially those to do with raising our three beautiful sons, James, David and Adam.

I also feel that my life has been a blessed existence and although I may eventually record sad events and thoughts here, it would be with a view to see the flip side of the coin.  Perhaps it's the optimist in me.  Perhaps, it's my faith.  However people see it, for as long as they take away something good from reading my blog, I would be happy...I would be thankful.